chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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