She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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