Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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