he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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