its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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