I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
