Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
