i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
