And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
