I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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