Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
