Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
