and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
