I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
