I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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