just come out here and I will go home with you...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
