even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
