That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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