READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
