im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have aggressive nipples.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
