Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
