I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
