i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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