omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
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we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!