I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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