I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.