Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
