i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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