She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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