Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize