Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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