I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
May the power of my ass compel you!!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
