The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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