So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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