their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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