the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
