Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
