just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
