When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
