I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
