are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
