Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
