if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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