We named our party play list daddy issues
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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