I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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