She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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