I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So squirting runs in the family.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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