Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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