Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
