She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Barsexuality is the new black.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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