I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
