He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
