Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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