you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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