I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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