This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
