ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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