no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
