I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
