Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
