If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
