Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
