you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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