My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
