Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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