im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
