great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
